She believed she could, so she did.

Tomorrow will be 39 weeks of being pregnant. I have been dealing with a roller coaster of emotions in the past few months, ranging from crazy extreme to "seriously, calm your tits, this is ridiculous", which in my book is a weird and broad range.

And then last week, they just stopped. Which should have caused a whole new kind of anxiety, but didn't. So here we are. Zen Kate is doing just fine, and has been pretty mellow. Sure, I still have the basic stresses that come with life, but I feel cradled in some kind of peace that I didn't have before. Who knew?

So now we wait. Leif came just a few days before his due date, and so I sorta expect that I will be having beginning labor pains any minute. I blew off my midwife appointment today because I just simply didn't feel like going. Who wants to drive 2 hrs for 15 minutes of blood pressure readings and peeing in a cup?? Not this mama. Meh. Not too worried. The midwife was trying to warn me about possible blood pressure spikes, and I told her that I simply don't get high blood pressure, that I might be the opposite altogether and have low blood pressure. I could hear her look through my chart for a second, and then agree with me. We mutually agreed that at the first sign of anything, I would call.

So today, during Leif's nap time, I will be decorating my room. I am making myself birth affirmations, which is fun. I'm also relaxing. I can feel some things building up in me, and I know that pushing them, right now, would probably get me further along, but would wear me out, so I'm using this time to rest. I can feel some flu-like symptoms in the background. I have been feeling period cramps a bit. I have a low grade headache, and a mild back ache. I am starting to leak a bit of colostrum, and my boobs hurt. Luckily, I seem to be skipping the swollen hands and feet, and I don't have raging diarrhea like some people, yay! Birth is so weird.

I DO have the urge to lean into the pain, which is new. Last time, I tried my best to avoid it, but not this time. There is something satisfying to bear down on the cramping, letting it flow over me. I sorta love it. I cant say I have had any really strong pains, but the cramps and intermittent contractions I have had have left me feeling good, which has me feeling very optimistic. A little bit of my body/mind saying, "Bring it on. I embrace it!!!"

I believed I could, so I did.